Table 2 Summary of overall theme, themes, and sub themes

I wanted to talk about it, but I couldn’t

1. Life in fading colors

1.1. Grieving the loss of the old me

1.2. Suffer in silence

2. Struggling to communicate with others

2.1 A new and unclear set of social rules

2.2 Normative attitudes about gender and depression

3. Fear and frustration of the unknown

3.1. Fearing the depression

3.2. Not knowing the cause

4. Approaching death – a double edged sword

4.1. Clashing expectations in the face of reality

4.2. Finding meaning in the threatening presence of death

5. Lack of trust in the professional management of depression

5.1. Antidepressant medication - hero or villain?

5.2. Views on how the treatment should have been conducted